Why Toxic Culture Is To Blame For Women Leaving Law Firms
The callous disregard and lack of respect for women lawyers and lawyer moms needs to stop.
Last week, my LinkedIn newsfeed was filled with words of disdain, anger, and frustration from fellow women lawyers and lawyer moms about the sexist and despicable text message a male partner sent to a woman lawyer. She had just returned from maternity leave and notified the firm that she was resigning and joining another firm. Notably, the LinkedIn post referenced that the new mother had been “asked and [was] expected to perform legal work” while out on maternity leave.
The text message referenced in the post stated, “What you did – collecting salary from the firm while sitting on your ass, except to find time to interview for another job – says everything one needs to know about your character. Karma’s a bitch. Rest assured, regarding anyone who inquires, they will hear the truth from me about what a soul-less and morally bankrupt person you are.”
The LinkedIn post quickly gained millions of views as other women lawyers chimed in, sharing their tough pregnancies and subsequent harsh maternity experiences. For example, Emily Hirsekorn, a lawyer and career leadership coach, mentioned how she endured severe health issues following delivery of her sons and how those issues further impacted her while on maternity leave. Elaine Spector, a patent lawyer, posted in solidarity about her pregnancy and subsequent harsh recovery. Both of these posts and countless others sent a very loud and clear message: maternity leave is definitely not “sitting on your ass.”
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The firm that employed the sender of the text, Zashin & Rich, published a since-deleted post on its LinkedIn page, “That single text was sent in the heat of the moment by an employee upset by the belief that the former colleague while on paid leave sought employment with another law firm.” A second post surfaced, noting that Jon Dileno (the lawyer who sent the vitriolic text) was no longer with the firm.
Seeing Dileno’s words in print in the year 2023 quickly brought me back to my own experiences as a young female associate in the early 2000s where I endured similar inappropriate, crude, and unprofessional verbal and written words by male partners. The legal profession chants about diversity in law firms, yet continues to permeate a culture where women are treated and seen as less than.
The fact that this woman lawyer was being asked to perform work while on maternity leave also shows the firm’s tone-deaf nature. What if she was a high-risk pregnancy? What if she suffered complications during childbirth and after?
Clearly, the firm missed the memo on proper protocols, which is rather ironic considering its main practice area is labor and employment and family law. Instead, it conducted damage control, and publicized that the offending lawyer was removed from the firm. Still, the damage had been done.
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In a 2022 survey of Women Leaving the Law developed by Leopard Solutions, more than 80% of women surveyed cited a lack of flexibility in the work environment and work-life balance as the reasons for leaving a top 200 law firm. More than 70% of respondents said the trajectory of their careers drove them to move (i.e., no advancement opportunities). The most startling statistic: 90% of women noted being frustrated with the support they had received from their law firms. The report mentioned steps for law firms to “retain and elevate women,” which included a zero-tolerance policy for sexism, uncovering unconscious bias, offering equal paternity care, and acknowledging women’s successes.
Elena Deutsch, a coach and founder of WILL — Women Interested in Leaving (big) Law — is no stranger to these statistics. Many of the women lawyer clients Deutsch works with suffer from anxiety, depression, and burnout due to the toxic shaming. “This recent story glaringly exposes tensions that live right under the surface for women lawyers. Miscarriages are common among the women I work with. The stress of (big) law demands take a toll on every organ of the body, including hair loss, horrific skin rashes, GI, vision, and dental issues.”
As I’ve previously written in my column, the bigger issue is our profession has allowed this toxic culture to permeate throughout law firms without any action taken by the American Bar Association or other governing bodies. In one of my articles from 2021, I referenced an ABA Journal article that suggested women lawyers become anti-family in order to be pro-career.
While Dileno likely never anticipated that his gross and misogynistic text message would reach public virality, I’m willing to bet he doesn’t send male counterparts those types of texts, and I’m also willing to bet it’s not his first rodeo in sending these types of communications to female lawyers. It’s also why women lawyers are consistently facing heavier restraints on their legal careers, including the challenges that the COVID-19 pandemic brought to light. There’s often a longstanding pattern of this type of conduct that’s merely swept under the rug by firms with a chuckle among the “old boys’ club.”
But the bigger message is this: in today’s workforce, women are no longer remaining silent and in fear of men who harass, humiliate, and berate their character or their work. “Her courage opens a whole new world of connection and honesty for all of us,” says Deutsch.
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The callous disregard and lack of respect for women lawyers and lawyer moms needs to stop. The legal profession as a whole needs to do better and be better — and act immediately. Diversity and inclusion are mere puffery unless you’re willing to put in the actual work and stand by it.
To the women lawyers who’ve fallen prey to the ongoing sexism and misogyny in law firms, remember that your law degree opens many doors and opportunities for you to thrive — a toxic law firm culture doesn’t need to be your end point.
To the female lawyer who received this egregious text and others who might be enduring the same horrific treatment, I hope your next career stop is one that brings you unwavering respect and happiness.
Wendi Weiner is an attorney, career expert, and founder of The Writing Guru, an award-winning executive resume writing services company. Wendi creates powerful career and personal brands for attorneys, executives, and C-suite/Board leaders for their job search and digital footprint. She also writes for major publications about alternative careers for lawyers, personal branding, LinkedIn storytelling, career strategy, and the job search process. You can reach her by email at wendi@writingguru.net, connect with her on LinkedIn, and follow her on Twitter @thewritingguru.
