Government

That Woman Wasn't Even In The Room When Rudy Asked For That Pardon He Never Asked For!

Now, can we interest you in some exceptionally hideous footwear?

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Rudy Giuliani had a night on Twitter.

It began with the president’s pro bono lawyer accusing January 6 hearing witness Cassidy Hutchinson of lying when she testified that he’d asked Trump for a pardon after the Capitol Riot.

“Contrary to her false testimony, she was never present when I asked for a pardon,” the former US Attorney for the Southern District of New York tweeted. “Actually, I told the President I did not want or need one.”

UH HUH.

Let the record reflect that the witness vehemently denied requesting $20,000 per day from the Trump campaign for his election ratf*cking services, only to concede that he had done exactly that when an email from his, umm, associate Maria Ryan confirmed the ask. There was also that recent unpleasantness in the supermarket when he only survived a vicious back-patting by dint of his superhuman strength and cat-like reflexes.

Perhaps it was Ryan who noticed that the Cameo star’s “She wasn’t there when I never asked for a pardon” tweet was raising a lot of questions already answered by his “She wasn’t there when I never asked for a pardon” tweet. Soon enough, it was deleted and replaced by another post, clarifying that everyone else wanted him to get a pardon, because “the lying radical left” would probably try to “frame innocent people.” But Rudy stood strong, because he knew he was pure as a newborn babe lying in bed with his hand in his pants next to an ostensible 15-year-old girl.

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What even is the American experiment if you can’t call up the Arizona House Speaker and admit that “We have lots of theories we just don’t have the evidence,” but ask him to recall the legislature and decertify Biden’s win anyway? Ditto for assembling fake slates of electors in seven swing states and submitting fraudulent electoral certificates to the National Archives. Read the First Amendment, people!

But with his campaign appearances at an end, and his legal issues just beginning (allegedly!), America’s Mayor had to get back to work. He’s got a lot of alimony to pay and no license to practice law, even if there were actual paying clients to be had.

But when God closes a door Mike Lindell opens a window.

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So head on over to MyPillow dot com, kids, and get yourself a pair of knock-off Yeezy slides. Just eighty bucks, but for you FIFTY. Don’t forget to tell ’em Uncle Rudy sent you.

Aaaaaaand scene.

Rudy Giuliani Deletes Tweet Insisting Cassidy Hutchinson Was Not Present When He Asked for a Pardon [Mediaite]

Liz Dye lives in Baltimore where she writes about law and politics.

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