Small Law Firms

How To Find A Mentor

We marginalized lawyers have to trust ourselves and know that we can find the answers; mentorship doesn’t have to come from one person.

By  
on

In my early 20s, I remember admiring a fashionable older woman at my church. Let’s call her Ms. Jean. Black church folk would describe her as a “seasoned saint,” and I thought she was so together. Ms. Jean sang alto in the choir, served on the building committee, and always dressed to the nines. In my mind, she was the type of grandmother I wish I had but never did. One day after service, I approached Ms. Jean, profusely (and sincerely) complimented her, then asked whether she would be interested in mentoring me. Looking back, I know I was desperate — and she could sense it. Ms. Jean politely turned me down, and for years I carried the embarrassment of being so vulnerable yet rejected.

Ever since I remember, I have wanted an official mentor. I wish I could say that this feeling has disappeared as I approach my 40s. It hasn’t. I recently reached out to an estate planning lawyer to ask him a technical question. He seemed like the type of lawyer I’d love to have mentor me. Before our call, I made up a story that he was the one! At the end of our conversation, I asked him how he established what I assumed was a thriving estate planning practice. He mentioned having a great mentor. I knew this was my in! I then asked if he could suggest tips on finding a mentor (I wasn’t direct with my ask because of the Ms. Jean situation).

He gave me very sound advice:

  • Join the section group. (check)
  • Ask questions. (check)
  • Continue learning. (check)

All great things that I was already doing. I bet you can guess the outcome of our conversation: the lawyer didn’t offer to mentor me. And frankly, I didn’t ask, so the result was predictable. It’s also not my birthright to be mentored by any lawyer. It is a privilege in many ways.

So much learning in estate planning (and other areas of law) comes from apprenticeship and mentorship. Lawyers frequently ask me to mentor them. In the past year, I mentored a lawyer who ended up starting her own estate planning practice after half a year with me! I continue to mentor while hoping for my mentor.

Like Bono, I still haven’t found what I’m looking for in a traditional mentor — yet. But I am learning that it’s OK. I am growing in a new paradigm for what I consider mentorship in my practice area: become the mentor I’ve always wanted and find a new way to define mentorship; this shift has to happen for lawyers who find themselves alone in practice. Mentorship is exponentially more challenging for lawyers of my complexion and gender. Despite this, we marginalized lawyers have to trust ourselves and know that we can find the answers; our mentorship doesn’t have to come from one person. Ask Ms. Jean — sometimes that level of commitment is too much of an ask for a person of a particular age!

Sponsored

I recently discussed mentorship with a group of intergenerational women. (Conversations with intergenerational women are my new favorite pastime!) We talked about rebuilding the mentorship paradigm that is often rooted in coverture. For me, this reframing of mentorship involves a collective of elders to guide your path, peers to encourage you, and other trailblazers within and outside the law. I already use collective mentorship to be a successful estate planner — and a decent human being. I just hadn’t described it as proper mentorship until recently. I am still working through it all.

What are your thoughts on mentorship? Have you come by mentors in your journey as an entrepreneurial lawyer? And if you’re that Texas estate planning mentor who’s been looking for their mentee, hit me up! I would love to add you to my mentor collective. I’m a great student, and I would love to learn from you, and hopefully, you from me.

I’d love to hear your constructive comments or questions at iffywrites@ibekwelaw.com. I am always looking for topic suggestions! Did I mention that I signed with a literary agent for my upcoming estate planning book? You can read all about it here.

Iffy Ibekwe is the principal attorney and founder of Ibekwe Law, PLLC. She is an estate planning attorney evangelist for intergenerational wealth transfer with effective wills and trusts. Iffy scored a literary agent and is writing her first book on estate planning for regular folk, available in 2022. She graduated from The University of Texas School of Law and has practiced law for over 14 years. Iffy can be reached by email at iffywrites@ibekwelaw.com, on her website, and on Instagram @iffyibekweesq.

Sponsored

Topics

, ,