In-House Counsel

Ways To Care For Yourself During Hard Times In Your Life And Career

The worst times in your life can create greater resilience within you to move forward while still managing and acknowledging your emotions.

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Two weeks ago, I shared with readers of my column my very raw emotions surrounding pet loss and grief after unexpectedly losing my shih tzu, Riley, who I had for more than 15 1/2 years. I have received hundreds of messages, comments, and emails in response to my article, putting it at one of the highest readership metrics to date. For all who sent messages of hope and shared their own grief, I appreciate it more than I can put into words.

Pet loss is often overlooked in the workplace, and as one reader shared with me, human loss is often overlooked as well. It’s rare that we give people the space they need to properly grieve a loss. I read a quote along the way that said, “The deeper the love, the larger the grief.” I couldn’t agree more.

Today marks three weeks since Riley’s passing. I’ve had to take some steps back to allow for the journey of my own healing process. I am giving myself the space to reflect and soak up those emotions (which vary daily). This has also meant taking more time for self-care and passion projects in between to fuel my mind with positive energy as well as ease my heart.

I am no stranger to hard times in my life and career — I’ve written extensively about how 2009 was my “rock bottom” professionally and personally. It ultimately changed the trajectory of both my career and my life — leading me to start my writing business and then to run the New York City Marathon. Through it all, I’ve held true to the saying, “The comeback is always stronger than the setback.” I truly believe the worst times of my life have created greater resilience within me to move forward while still managing and acknowledging my emotions.

So, in this week’s column, as I challenge myself to create more space for self-care and healing, I challenge my readers to do so as well, particularly if you’re facing hard times in your life and career. I will share things I am doing, hoping to create some inspiration within you as well. For me, these include creating new passion projects, increasing physical exercise, and doing more “feel good” things for myself that boost my own mental self-esteem.

New home improvement and organizing took a backseat the past few months since my time was split between client writing and caring for Riley while he was progressing through end-stage renal failure. After his passing, I decided I needed to create a few passion projects that would allow me to work through my own emotions of grief while also enabling me to honor his memory and things that he loved: the outdoors (especially his backyard). I decided I would work on creating a small garden in the backyard around the tree where Riley used to frolic. That led to deciding to revitalize the courtyard of the house and incorporating some Riley-themed woodwork my dad has built over the years.

While I have zero previous experience with gardening, it’s been a fascinating and therapeutic multistage project — I’ve learned about ground-cover plants, sprinkler and irrigation systems, and even garden décor trends. This has helped me create positive energy around a hard time and has given me something to look forward to in between client work. It’s also given me the opportunity to spend more time with my parents (who are now retired) and work on the project together — I will be sharing the progress of it (as well as the outcome) on my Facebook and Instagram pages. I truly believe passion projects can help us clear our mind, give us new ways of looking at tough situations, and they can be the deterrent to the negative thoughts that plaque our minds. It’s easy to get wrapped up in the wave of emotions and lose motivation in all aspects of self-care and nurture when we are going through a personal hardship.

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The past few weeks have reinforced the need for me to get out of the house and embrace a change of scenery. I found the emptiness in the house to be the worst aspect of pet loss. The more time I spent alone in the house and looked around realizing that Riley would never be back, the more I fell apart. Last week, I made the decision to join a new gym (I gave up my prior gym membership at the outset of COVID). But first I did research and learned that my health insurance has a contract with a company called Gympass, which offsets 50% of the cost, enabling me to join a higher-end gym that offers an array of services (from massages to all kinds of classes). Walking into a totally new gym was exciting — not to mention, getting in the car and driving there, seeing other people working out, and even using different machines — I forgot how it felt to do that. And, as much as I love my Peloton, there’s something to be said about getting out of the house and heading to the gym on a lazy Sunday afternoon. I’ve also embraced the need for more sleep, trying out a new healthy recipe (I’m a huge fan of Skinnytaste recipes), walking around the neighborhood solo, and listening to podcasts.

The key in all of this is finding ways to cope with grief, stress, and sadness. There is no right or wrong way — just the way that’s most comfortable for you. Be kind to yourself, connect with your loved ones, take on passion projects, and allow yourself to feel the emotions while sustaining your mental well-being. Remember, at the end of the day, our own self-care must be a priority.

Wendi Weiner is an attorney, career expert, and founder of The Writing Guru, an award-winning executive resume writing services company. Wendi creates powerful career and personal brands for attorneys, executives, and C-suite/Board leaders for their job search and digital footprint. She also writes for major publications about alternative careers for lawyers, personal branding, LinkedIn storytelling, career strategy, and the job search process. You can reach her by email at wendi@writingguru.net, connect with her on LinkedIn, and follow her on Twitter @thewritingguru.  

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