Courts

Federal District Judge Summoned The Police For A Totally Serious, Justified Reason

They better consider themselves lucky that they weren't selling overpriced fruit snacks or something equally heinous.

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Mean Judge

You want to clean my what?

Americans have an interesting relationship to police officers. Between fighting crime and conducting internal investigations on themselves, we know that the line of duty can be a perilous environment for them. This is why they should really be called when there are serious problems. Like when a judge gets his fee-fees hurt over mean hand gestures. From the ABA Journal:

A federal judge overseeing a consent decree requiring police reform in Baltimore called police in that city Oct. 16 to report two hostile squeegee men working at an intersection in the Bolton Hill neighborhood in Baltimore.

Chief U.S. District Judge James K. Bredar of the District of Maryland said the workers gave him the finger, spat on his car and wrote “racist” on his car windows after he turned down their services.

Yep. Hostile squeegee men.

I know judges are supposed to avoid any appearance of impropriety or whatever, but come on, dude. What happened to just… you know, handling things like our wise neighbors up north?

The trained officers had their priorities in the right place and left the streets of Baltimore to focus on what really matters — ensuring that chief district judges feel safe and protected from each and every man who threatens to get rid of the streaks in their windshield.

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Police gave one of the squeegee workers a warning and told him to “to cease further squeegee-related activity at the location.”

This prohibition and judgment may be a more exacting sentence than any Judge Bredar has given in his career. It is known that the average man could write psalms and dance joyous jigs inspired by the majesty that is a good squeegee. Middle fingers can be turned away from. Spit, while disgusting to clean from a car window, can be washed away by the occasional Baltimore rain. But to restrict a man’s ability to use that blessed window cleaner we all keep in our kitchen cabinet, right under the sink? ‘Tis truly an affront to liberty itself.

I pray that the squeegee men may one day find it in their hearts to forgive what in my opinion was Chief U.S. District Judge James K. Bredar’s brazen abuse of discretion and power. Because I have not. And I never will.

This Federal Judge Called Cops To Report Squeegee Guys Who Gave Him The Finger, Spat On His Car [ABA Journal]

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Chris Williams became a social media manager and assistant editor for Above the Law in June 2021. Prior to joining the staff, he moonlighted as a minor Memelord™ in the Facebook group Law School Memes for Edgy T14s.  He endured Missouri long enough to graduate from Washington University in St. Louis School of Law. He is a former boatbuilder who cannot swim, a published author on critical race theory, philosophy, and humor, and has a love for cycling that occasionally annoys his peers. You can reach him by email at cwilliams@abovethelaw.com and by tweet at @WritesForRent.

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