Leave Law, Love Life? It’s Actually Possible

It’s no secret that many lawyers are miserable. Every day you can read about the high levels of dissatisfaction among attorneys and the seemingly ever-plummeting levels of morale at law firms. Yet so many lawyers continue to drag their burned-out selves into the office (or, these days, at least out of bed) every day to jobs they hate and find unrewarding.

I’ve got news for you – it doesn’t have to be that way. Yes, student loans, financial obligations, and outside pressures are all very real, but you’re allowed to find a way out. (Full disclosure: I’ve passionately gone on the record about the joys of leaving Biglaw in the past).

Still don’t think it’s possible? Meet Julie Bonasso, a former Biglaw corporate attorney and recruiter who now coaches lawyers on leaving the law and pursuing a sustainable life that actually takes into account their own well-being. Julie’s personal story says it all:

“Back in ‘da day, I hated my life, I hated my job and I hated myself.”

If you can relate to any part of that sentiment, Julie’s “Leave Law, Love Life” program just might be for you.

Leave Law, Love Life is a limited, one-on-one coaching offer that combines transformational coaching with strategic career advice for lawyers, especially women lawyers, who are looking to transition out of law.

If you’re feeling trapped and like there are no other career options for you, take heart – there is a way out. Read on to learn more about Julie, her coaching approach, and how she’s helping lawyers find happiness.

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Why did you decide to start your own company devoted to helping female lawyers leave the law?

I’ve always been very entrepreneurial. The recruiting field was interesting to me, but most of the lawyers I spoke to were just looking to escape their current job in the hopes that the next one would be better. They were focusing on the symptom rather than the problem. What I often saw was that there were other issues going on that a new job simply would not cure. In my recruiting role, I began coaching attorneys on helping them achieve what they really desired in work and life. During this time, I began to see patterns emerge similar to what I had experienced, and what so many others were experiencing. I realized I was not alone and the themes of burnout, dissatisfaction, and stress were broad-based. It was then that I made it my mission to help other lawyers find another way of working, where they were thriving versus just surviving. Ultimately that led me to getting my coaching certification.

My intention with my work is to impact people in a profound, life-shifting way, and I wasn’t able to do that through recruiting or a traditional law career. My passion is to empower professionals, women in particular, to have a career that’s fueled by well-being versus stress. Many of my lawyer clients are stuck or feel trapped because of financial constraints. I wanted to show them a way of working that’s lucrative and fun.

What are some of the top concerns you hear from the lawyers you coach?

The top pain points I hear are: constant overwhelm, fatigue, brain fog, lack of choices, feeling trapped, and the list goes on. While there have been some strides in lawyer job satisfaction and morale since I graduated in 1995, the changes have been incredibly small and incremental. Today’s lawyers are still feeling overworked and burned out, just like they were two decades ago. We now know that it’s going to take a major systemic overhaul to fix the bigger issues.

One of the things I hear a lot is that lawyers feel shame admitting that they may want out. They are being told, “you just can’t cut it.” In reality, though, nobody can truly cut it, because current law firm demands are not a sustainable way of living. As we continue talking about these issues and normalizing them, change will become easier. For now, we need to find different ways to address the problem. That’s where my coaching comes in – impacting one lawyer at a time.

Tell us a little about your approach.

I start by asking my clients to define success for themselves. Too many of us have been living and working to meet someone else’s definition of success. There’s a lot of fear of judgment that leads young lawyers to focus on pleasing others rather than pleasing themselves. Starting with law school, there are all these hoops we’re trained to jump through that lead through clerkships and associate life and partnership, and then one day we stop and realize, “Wait, I don’t even want to do this!”

Some of my clients don’t even know where to begin in defining success for themselves. One way to craft what success looks like is to start with an exploration of values. We know that there’s a lot of evidence that when we’re living and working aligned with our values, this can have an impact on our mood, behavior, and even improve resilience. I help my clients uncover whether they are working aligned with their values; and, if not, how do we begin to close the gap? When we’re inauthentic and unmotivated, our productivity and confidence lag. When we’re working aligned with our values, we have a lot more energy and impact, which leads to more congruent choices, a deeper connection to the “flow state,” and even more money.

What is the “Leave Law, Love Life” program?

This is a special offer beyond my regular individual and small group coaching. It’s an exclusive opportunity for five lawyers to receive a year of one-on-one personal development coaching that incorporates a strategic career counseling component as well. I provide all of the tools I have developed over the years as a lawyer, coach, and recruiter. In this program, I’m a guide to help my clients develop a blueprint and action plan to achieve what they want, including the steps on how to get there.

This program is for lawyers who feel trapped, have had enough, and are ready for real change, not just looking for a Band-Aid approach. The Leave Law, Love Life program is about creating new habits, actions, and a shift in mindset that transform your life in incredible ways. We start with small micro-steps, curated just for you. These micro-steps are sustainable and enjoyable. You begin to gain courage, and then confidence in the choices you’re making. You’ll start to get a taste of what it would be like to have a different life and examine the beliefs that are holding you back from having that life.

Why is well-being so important?

The National Task Force on Lawyer Well-Being released some pretty scary statistics in their 2017 report around substance use, suicide, suicidal ideation, anxiety, depression, and mental health. It was a wake-up call for our industry to see that if we continue this way our profession will not be sustainable. Most states now have task forces or commissions dedicated to these issues and law schools are slowly starting to address them in their curricula. And while there are some progressive law firms incorporating well-being into their personal development programming (and even more since COVID), there are many more who are not.

But, even those initiatives don’t necessarily speak to the lawyers who are just plain miserable and burned out – people who are on the slow burn to anxiety, unhappiness, or chronic health issues, but not at a “crisis” level. I was one of those lawyers and many of my clients are too. These are the people who, if they continue on the current path, are likely to develop the more severe problems that can plague the quality of their work and the profession overall. While there’s been some effort to address it, it hasn’t been fast enough. It‘s still a challenge for law firms to accept the business case that a solid and powerful well-being program for lawyers can improve productivity, quality of work, and employee retention.

What advice do you have for someone who’s considering leaving the law altogether?

We’re in what I often call the “concrete jungle” as lawyers – we’re all acting the same way, saying the same things, dressing the same way, so it doesn’t appear that there’s a way out. We think it has to require long hours, grinding it out, and a general dissatisfaction with life. I believe it’s important for lawyers who feel trapped to know that there are ways to earn a great income while being intellectually challenged without staying in law in the traditional sense.

First, ask yourself, “what would it feel like to leave?” Sit quietly for five minutes and think big! You don’t have to worry about the how or take any steps right now. Simply notice how it feels in your body when you think about the possibility. Does your body feel relaxed or tense? What emotions are you experiencing? Fear, excitement, joy? What can you imagine your days would be like?

Next, talk to someone who has made the transition out of traditional law. Get their feedback on the process. What worked for them? What didn’t?

Then, write down a list of your top three values and ask yourself, “Am I taking actions on a daily basis aligned with my values?” If there’s a gap, then what is one tiny step you can take to start to close the gap? Is merely switching jobs enough to align with your values? Now write down three things that you’re naturally good at and three things you’re passionate about. Start to connect the dots across values, passions, and strengths. How can these be combined and translated into a job or a business? And would that new role bring greater meaning into your life, reduce your stress, or create more happiness?