Biglaw, In-House Counsel, Small Law Firms

It’s Time For Lawyers To Have Walk-Up Songs

Some suggestions to get you started, by hearing type and practice area.

By GARY ALMETER  
on

cheers-g0e0cb54ff_1280With both Mission: Impossible – Dead Reckoning Part I and Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny (in theaters now!) occupying much of the cultural zeitgeist, and with Argentinian jazz pianist Lalo Schifrin’s and Boston Pops laureate conductor John Williams’s themes for each, respectively, echoing in our heads, it’s only natural to wonder what litigators’ lives would be like if our own theme songs accompanied us when we we were in action.  

We’re neither Ethan Hunt nor Indiana Jones. But our jobs are just as exciting. 

Some ideas:

Songs That Declare You’re a Minor Badass: For when you want a walk-up song to end a legal proceeding before it even begins and have the confidence and/or braggadocio to make it so but also want to show some deference to the court.

  • C+C Music Factory’s “Gonna Make You Sweat (Everybody Dance Now),” “Pump Up the Jam” by Technotronic, “Push It” by Salt-N-Pepa or “Got to Be Real” by Cheryl Lynn declare this with a Jock Jam vibe.
  • Stevie Wonder’s “Higher Ground” says two things in one. 
  • The Breeders’ “Cannonball” has that rare melody which is both jaunty and intimidating. 
  • “Good as Hell” by Lizzo and “Before He Cheats” by Carrie Underwood and “Go Your Own Way” by Fleetwood Mac would create waves in many domestic proceedings.

Songs That Declare You’re a Major Badass: For when you want a walk-up song to end a legal proceeding before it even begins and have the confidence and/or braggadocio to make it so and care not one iota about deference to the court. 

  • Almost any AC/DC but especially “For Those About to Rock….” will do the trick.
  • Use DJ Khaled’s “All I Do Is Win (Remix)” sparingly, you don’t want to jinx yourself.
  • “I Gotta Feeling” by Black Eyed Peas could go either way.
  • “Survivor” by Destiny’s Child and “So What” by Pink and “I Will Survive” by Gloria Gaynor all say “it doesn’t matter what happens here,” which might be good if you have a stinker of a case. 
  • “Eye of the Tiger” by Survivor might put you in the zone, but you run the risk of putting opposing counsel in the zone, too.

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Songs to Intimidate Opposing Counsel: Again, use with caution. There are some songs that put everyone on edge.  

  • “Under Pressure” by Queen and David Bowie. 
  • John Williams’s “JAWS” theme. 
  • Most any Radiohead song will also do this, especially the last 90 seconds of “Climbing Up The Walls.”
  • Carly Simon’s “You’re So Vain” would make everyone in the courtroom wonder if your walk-up song was about them, the distraction proving to be a tactical advantage.

Songs that Evoke Sympathy to in Turn Foster Generosity:  For when plaintiffs’ attorneys want to put juries in the mood … for awarding large damages awards! 

  • The attorney who did that thing of when they mortgaged their house to stay afloat while they investigated the toxic tortfeasor and gave their spouse a clipboard to engage class action plaintiffs can’t go wrong with “Against All Odds” by Phil Collins or “What a Wonderful World” by Louis Armstrong. 
  • “Lean on Me” by Bill Withers could generate a good chunk of damages award; same with “Fix You” by Coldplay but also … Coldplay; Rihanna’s “Umbrella” could be highly effective in this regard.
  • “You’ve Got a Friend” by Carole King serves the rare dual purpose of inviting the jury to be friendly while also serving as great advertising, as does “That’s What Friends are For” by Dionne Warwick. 
  • Use “Everybody Hurts” by R.E.M. cautiously, for while it establishes damages it might also minimize those damages by characterizing them as de rigueur.
  • If you really just want to go for it, walk into court to Supertramp’s “Give a Little Bit” or ABBA’s “Gimme Gimme Gimme,” or if you’re hoping for one of those record-breaking awards, “Let’s Go Crazy” by Prince is a walk-up song to consider.   

Songs for Litigators Who Really Just Want to Settle: There are some cases which should just settle. But for whatever reason, to wit, obstinate opposing counsel, the case just hasn’t settled. And as much as you love litigating, you just don’t have the emotional bandwidth for a trial right now. Make one last ditch effort at settlement with these walk-up songs/pleas for reason.  

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  • “We Can Work It Out” by the Beatles.
  • “Meet Me Halfway” by Black Eyed Peas sends a nice, hopeful message. 
  • “You Can’t Always Get What You Want” by Rolling Stones sends a nice, grounding message.

Songs that Evoke Sympathy to in Turn Foster Leniency: Attorneys eager for a jury to show their client some absolution, financial or otherwise, might walk into court to:

  • “Human” by the Human League or “People are People” by Depeche Mode, because who among us hasn’t done something wrong.
  • “Rainbow” by Kacey Musgraves or “Somewhere Over the Rainbow” by Judy Garland or “Rainbow Connection” by Kermit the Frog because seriously, there is a rainbow in all of us.
  • Same idea with “I’ll Be Your Mirror” by Velvet Underground. 
  • “Let it Go” by Elsa from Frozen and “Sorry” by Justin Bieber and “All Apologies” by Nirvana and “I Feel For You” by Chaka Khan each convey a more explicit message.
  • Elvis Presley’s rendition of “Amazing Grace” says, “I dare you not to exonerate my client.” 
  • Miley Cyrus’s “The Climb” and Pet Shop Boys’ “What Have I Done to Deserve This?” and Bob Marley’s “Redemption Song” could also be used in this regard to great effect.

Songs About the Substance of Your Case:  If the AV person at the courthouse doesn’t mind, why not prepare a panoply of walk-up songs and utilize each when appropriate? Here are some walk-up songs which feel like they were composed for litigation.

  • Plaintiffs’ attorneys in cases against alleged toxic tortfeasors could do no better than walking into court to Britney Spears’s “Toxic.” 
  • No member of a jury in a medical malpractice case would have a dry eye if the plaintiff’s attorney walked into court to Taylor Swift’s “Epiphany.” 
  • Employment attorneys would do well to engage Billy Joel’s “Allentown” or any Bruce Springsteen song ever.
  • The prosecutor in the Bernie Madoff trial could have walked into court to Michael Jackson’s “Smooth Criminal” or Sade’s “Smooth Operator.” Putative embezzlers beware/take note.
  • Attorneys in cases dealing with supply chain failures must walk into court to “Truckin’” by Grateful Dead or “Life is a Highway” by Tom Cochrane.
  • Depending on their position, litigators in auto tort cases have myriad walk-up songs to consider including “Fast Car” by Tracy Chapman, “Little Red Corvette” by Prince, “Shut Up and Drive” by Rihanna, “Get Outta My Dreams Get Into My Car” by Billy Ocean, “Red Barchetta” by Rush, or “Pink Cadillac” by Natalie Cole or Bruce Springsteen. 
  • Any litigator practicing equine law must have “A Horse With No Name” by America or “Wild Horses” by Rolling Stones at the ready.
  • Echoes of Whitney Houston’s “I Have Nothing” would reverberate nicely in bankruptcy proceedings. 
  • And I’d be committing malpractice if I didn’t say that any medical malpractice case with an osteopathic surgeon involved needs one side, any side, to walk in to Shakira’s “Hips Don’t Lie.”     

Songs for Post-Trial Motions and Appellate Practice: You’ve mastered the trial walk-up song. Doesn’t your appellate practice deserve the same care and attention? Appellate judges will surely be moved.  

  • The appellant in any post-conviction or post-trial hearing should consider “If I Could Turn Back Time” by Cher as a walk-up song, as well as Sugar’s “If I Can’t Change Your Mind” and “Ain’t Too Proud to Beg” by the Temptations. 
  • Appellees on the other hand should consider Queen’s “We Are the Champions” or Journey’s “Don’t Stop Believin.’” 
  • Lenny Kravitz’s “It Ain’t Over Till It’s Over” also works well here.
  • “Bad Blood” by Taylor Swift works well for post-trial motions. Use Taylor sparingly.
  • “Sailing” by Christopher Cross or any yacht rock really — for when you’re appearing in front of SCOTUS and you really, really want Alito and Thomas on your side.   

Gary M. Almeter is the Legal Content Writer at Calloquy, PBC, builders of the first remote litigation platform designed for litigators.

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