Monday, August 19, 2019

How Stupid is This?

Lemonade stands can be so complicated
Picture it.  You're 9-years-old and you REALLY want this new toy.  You'd give anything for that toy.  Your folks are on a tight budget and your toy is simply not on their radar. 

What are you going to do?  What can you do?  Well, if you're in the state of Texas, you can now open a lemonade stand and sell lemonade to passing strangers (well, you can on September 1 - after the summer season ends).

Why is this even a thing?  Well, back in 2015, two Texas police officers stopped at a lemonade stand and demanded to see their operating permit.  

Say what?!  Yeah, murder and mayhem running amok and the police stop to shut down two kids operating a lemonade stand.

So, again I ask, what is this even a thing?  I'm thinking it's about money.  See, the police were just doing their police job enforcing laws.  Laws like if you don't pony up cash for a permit, you can't open a business.

So, what these municipalities are demanding is that kids go through the whole process of opening a business to sell lemonade.  Preposterous, you might say, but you are the ones who voted these bozos into office.  Don't like what they're doing to enterprising little Billy and Suxie selling lemonade?  Vote the bums out of office (and be quick about it)!

I mean, do you even know what it takes to open a business selling lemonade?  Dang but they have whole websites dedicated to the business of opening a lemonade stand!  Turns out it's quite the process if you do it right.  

First, there is the Business Plan and Environmental Impact Statement (because environment). Of course, you have to factor in your start-up costs which involve:
  • a stand, cart, or storefront
  • commercial-grade equipment for making and dispensing lemonade
  • lemons, sugar, water, and ice
  • containers to hold said sugar, water, and ice
  • cups, straws, and napkins
  • licensing and insurance costs
  • R&D costs (to pay for the process to find just the right flavor)
Follow this up with organizing your business (do you form as an LLC or LLP - in case you get sued).  Next, you need to register for taxes.  Did  you realize that many (if not all) states/cities require that you pay taxes on office machinery?  So you will be a taxed on your lemonade stand/cart, the equipment for dispensing lemonade, cups, straws (which now must be biodegradable because of that one "report" cranked out by a kid that every environmental wacko now views as environmental scripture), any and all containers holding sugar, water and ice, and napkins and anything else you'll be using for your business.

Next, you're going to need to open a business bank account (you know, to handle all that cash that will soon come rolling in at 5 cents a pop) and if you're rolling in money, you're going to need to hire an accountant.  

Then, if you need help (i.e. hire other kids to help sell) selling all that delicious lemonade, you'll have to pay workers' compensation insurance (can you hear the cash register at the assessor's office?).  Follow this with business permits and licenses and general business insurance.

Of course, you don't want to go through all this without an online presence so you'll have to hire a web designer, do you?  I mean, you do have to think of your brand.  All the popular organizations have a brand these days.

...and all this just because some schmucks at city hall (or on capital hill) can't just let a couple of kids just set up a card table and sell lemonade that their mom made for them on a neighborhood street corner.  What a crock!

What is really sad is that cities are so strapped for cash that they're willing to stop a kid from buying a toy (which is where that money is going, anyway).  Don't have time to stop the burglars or rapists but doggone it we have all the time in the world to harass a couple of 9 year-olds on a street corner.

Yep, that's government in action - harassing kids since, well, since forcing citizens to pay assessments, fees, fines, excises, duties, tariffs, contributions, dues, tributes, or tithes even became a thing.

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