Government

Rudy Giuliani Is Not A Raving Drunkard. Just Ask Him, He'll Tell You.

Most sober [HIC] man [HICCUP] at this party. [PASSES OUT.]

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Rudy Giuliani is not a functioning alcoholic, goddammit. Why do people keep saying he’s drunk all the time?

Oh, well, yes, there’s that. But who among us hasn’t publicly called the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff an asshole and fantasized about grabbing him by his “Whaddaya got, five stars? Ten stars? Twelve stars?” to lecture him on how to military good and such like?

Addressing a crowd assembled to commemorate the attacks on September 11, 2001, the ever-temperate lawyer went on to claim that he’d turned down Queen Elizabeth’s offer of a knighthood because he’d have had to renounce his American citizenship.

Neither claim is true. In October 2001, Giuliani pronounced himself “humbled and gratified” to receive the honorary title of Commander of the Most Excellent Order of the British Empire. He was not required to renounce his American citizenship.

And yes, affecting an English accent and a falsetto while telling a series of demonstrably false anecdotes does sound like the behavior of someone who spent an entire evening consorting with his pal Glenfiddich before bellying up to the microphone. But the erstwhile president’s erstwhile attorney is adamant that he was completely sober.

“Yes I had a Scotch. But I was not drunk. There is a deliberate attempt [by] the left wing to paint me that way,” he told DailyMail.com.

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“That was a serious speech. To say I mocked anybody is outrageous. And that I was drunk is completely, completely wrong,” he huffed, insisting later that he would never mock the Queen’s accent, because “I just like to use an English – I imitate Churchill sometimes.”

As one does.

In fairness, Our Roodles appears completely capable of embarrassing himself when completely sober, with or without the errant hair dye.

Reports of Giuliani’s tippling are hardly new. NYMag reporter Olivia Nuzzi documented a day watching America’s Mayor drool and stumble around with his fly down, capped off with a round of Bloody Marys. And Michael Wolff’s latest book depicts the lawyer as so intoxicated on election night that White House staffers worried he’d break the White House china.

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But Giuliani has a response to that, and it is that he is being framed by evil pinkos.

“I am not a drunk. I don’t think I’ve ever [been] publicly drunk in my life. The last time I was – was probably in college. I like to drink Scotch and have cigars. That’s where it probably comes from,” he told the Daily Mail.

”I drink moderate amounts of Scotch. I mostly drink Scotch because I like to have it with cigars. I didn’t have a cigar last night. And this is a caricature that the left is trying to put on me … I can’t remember the last time that I was drunk. And I’m not just going to put up with it anymore. I’ve got to do something about it.”

Look out, THE LEFT, Uncle Rudy’s comin’ for ya!

Oh, God, he’s still talking.

If I was an alcoholic, I’d be fricking dead by now. It is [a] complete lie. I’m on television all the time. I’m as lucid as you can be. I’m not demented like Joe Biden. I can go before the Supreme Court … I have already many times. I write. I do a podcast twice a week. I do a radio show … five times a week. I answer questions from people constantly. I’m probably one of the sharpest guys you’re ever going to meet. And you want to put me in a court room and I’ll kick the shit out of anybody. I am not an alcoholic.

Well, perhaps he could go before the Supreme Court, if he weren’t currently suspended from the practice of law.

As for his vaunted courtroom abilities — “‘I am without a doubt the most accomplished prosecutor of the 20th Century!” — we’d just note that someone got the shit kicked out of him during Giuliani’s most recent court appearance representing the Trump campaign in its suit against the state of Pennsylvania. And that someone was not the defendant.

Also, Justice Jackson might like a word … if he could get one in edgewise.

Nobody has a record like mine. And it’s outrageous. And the reason my allegations against Biden mean something is because I’m actually a professional. I caught him because I’m better than the rest of them. Plus, I had a pair of balls and they all know what would happen to them. They all knew what would happen to them – you get crucified. And I actually don’t give a damn if those idiots crucify me. But I’m not going to be called an alcoholic when I can prove that I’m not. I’m just getting tired of that.

Totally sober! Case closed.

EXCLUSIVE: ‘Yes, I had one scotch’: Giuliani says he was NOT drunk during rambling September 11th speech at Cipriani, isn’t an alcoholic and denies mocking the Queen: Claims he is the victim of a left-wing smear [Daily Mail]

Elizabeth Dye lives in Baltimore where she writes about law and politics.

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